Memeverse

After a number of “thinking sessions”, compiling a list of skills and interests and then ultimately asking myself what I would love to do that combines those skills and interests and could bring value to people, and that is something I could do continuously.

I came up with a number of answers, none of which seem all that new to me. That fact seems to induce a bit of doubt in whether I really found it, considering that Brian Kim says that “If you feel the slightest doubt that it’s not your passion, then it’s not”. But I’m compelled to doubt him! Hey, my whole life philosophy is revolving around doubting things and continuously exploring rather than accepting something as the absolute final. And Paul Graham would seem to agree that there is no single absolute one-time answer to this question.

That said, between Brian Kim and Paul Graham I choose the balance. I’d say that things I found to be things I love to do most are the things I should pursue (or continue to pursue) in life today, but accepting that as I continue to experience life, things can change, and that’s fine. Even the most successful people shift their occupations. At one point they build something great in one area just to exit and shift to something barely related.

Another reason why I think what I found is fine is that I’m not the case of the majority of audience of Brian’s article - working in a standard day job which they probably hate and looking for a better life. Naturally there will probably be much less room for doubt and much more room for passion when they compare their answer to the life they are living today. It’s different with me. I’m already quite a bit down my road. I don’t have a day job. I already managed to achieve something exactly by pursuing my own interests. The reason I wanted to ask myself again what I love to do is because of a bit of enthusiasm loss I had lately, so I wanted to check whether I’m doing is what I should be doing. Once I discover that I am quite close I don’t expect myself to scream out of happiness, as if I found something new. I expect to merely be reaffirmed and satisfied. And that’s good enough.

So the answers I came up with, trying to put them in the order of importance (or how well do I love it):

1. Building new things online: communities, businesses, campaigns, small and big projects - using my multimedia production (music composition plus other uses of creative multimedia software I believe I can master), graphics/web design, community building, diplomacy and marketing skills - pursuing my humanism, freedom, space exploration, futurism and technology interests. This is quite general, but I guess I like stuff that is open ended. Let it be something shiny and new, put a lot of what I know how to do into it to pursue a lot of what I am interested in!

2. Writing - as in journalism or blogging. About philosophy, freedom, humanism, space exploration, the future and technology (computers and Free Software mainly).

3. Throwing cool futuristic parties around the ideals of freedom and awareness of the people! Something that I could be more capable of doing when I get my social life in order. (now we just have to figure out how to throw a party online!)

4. Offering computer and software use support / help online or offline.

5. Building computers

Well.. lol.

You know, the number 3 is interesting, and perhaps the most new of the answers I found. I guess it’s something that’s been in me for a while but couldn’t exactly pin it down in words. I love electronic music. I absolutely adore it! But combined with lack of good music production tools on GNU/Linux and me generally being busy with other stuff I seem to have lost too much of my “music production” enthusiasm. I don’t say it couldn’t be built up again, but it seems nowadays it is more about playing electronic music than making new tracks, or just mixing it up with something else.. How many times have I envisioned a big party of happy people gathering together in a powerful way to both have fun and point out that we the people still matter, that we are here and that our movement cannot be stopped.

I sometimes have an almost obsession with combining the power that I see in music with the ideals, rather than just letting this power go to waste on, you know, just getting drunk and dance until you collide. Why not channel that energy to something really significant? Why not party for freedom? Party for Freedomware? Party for humanism?!

Now that I’ve asserted that interest I might as well start doing something about it. Maybe at some point I organize the first Libervis. Freedom Party.

In the mean time I find it an incredibly cool challenge to figure out how to have a party online! All those empty game arenas come to mind, combined perhaps with an icecast stream. We’ll talk about it elsewhere, on one of our beloved Libervis sites.

So..

If answers are so similar to what I’ve already been doing, where the hell did the lack of enthusiasm come from? Well, apparently it wasn’t that I was doing something I don’t really love to do, but that I was becoming too unfocused and undirected, and there are various other little psychological deficiencies which didn’t help, like increased lack of positive thinking.

At the beginning when I founded Libervis.com I felt really enthused because I had two goals: make it popular and start making money. The first is because I wanted the site to be recognized as a respectable player in the area in which it operates. I wanted it to make a big difference. Second is merely for financial sustainability. So, latter was achieved, but the former is still a pain in the butt… I mean.. we are somewhat influential, but the ideal I had for it was never reached. I am realizing now that the time I realized that it is fine as it is, that it will never get much more popular and active than it is, was also the time my enthusiasm started dropping.

It seems that what is fueling enthusiasm is ambition, no matter how foolish in some contexts it may be. And interestingly, what I am learning these days is that there is no such thing really as “foolish” ambition. If you believe you can do it then you will find a way to do it.

I guess it’s time to set some impossible goals then. And when I say this I repeatedly have this drive woken up in me that says something in the lines of “OK then, let’s do it, let’s get rid of the clutter first (finish the darn freedomware gamefest, kill off the projects that aren’t going anywhere or just aren’t inspiring much confidence right now), set a goal, or a set of goals that is solid enough to be pinpointed yet flexible enough to allow a level of adaptability - LET’S MAKE LIBERVIS NETWORK *THE* FORCE FOR GOOD.

Ok the thing in caps locked is too general, I know, but whatever it will be it will be a force for good. All positive ambitions are about that. Heck even Bill Gates thought he was doing good… but that’s another topic. My goal is much more diverse than “money and monopoly please!”.

So.. I shall be reading, feeding, thinking and preparing for a new era of libervisco. How fitting that nickname is, as I once again discover just how essential Libervis.com is to my life. Libervis Network which it gave way to literally embodies all that I am and could be.

Love ya all for being with me on that journey!

Cheers